It's been awhile since i've updated this dusty little space. N's are around the corner and i still have yet to feel the sense of urgency in me. Is it just me or is anyone else feeling the same way too?
Been feeling really caught up in my own feelings. I really have to learn to prioritize. To let these feelings go, and concentrate on what's best for me. Oh well, all the best to me.
"It's hard to accept, but you can't change the past. You can't go back and manipulate things to the way you wanted them to happen.Because life would be meaningless and boring and just not worth living. But you can change the future and that's a beautiful thing about life. Yes, you will make mistakes. And yes, you will have bad days - but as long as you let the past go, you'll have such a gorgeous and bright future ahead of you. Knowing that things were meant to happen, knowing that each day you will learn something so that you keep growing to be a better person"
But how can i tell you that you're that special one i'm talking about? How can i let you know that every love quote i post, i think about you? And all the sad songs i listen to, you're the first one that comes into my mind? How am i to let you know, that i'm falling for you? And that i'm falling stronger day by day.
I'm tormented, crushed. I don't know what to do. I'm confused, lost. I've got no clue. I know i love you, that's true. But when will you start loving me too?
I've come to realize that destiny can hurt a person as much as it can bless then i found myself wondering why of all the people i can fall in love with, i fell for the person who can never be mine.
You know that feeling when i see you and my heart suddenly becomes so warm. All the broken pieces just suddenly fall into place and i fell for you like i've never been hurt before? That butterflies in my tummy feeling and never being able to talk like a normal human being whenever i'm with you. But i was afraid, because day by day, those feelings grew. I was falling deeper and deeper into the hole. Sooner or later, it'd be too late for me to climb out.
Sometimes you're hot, sometimes you're cold. Sometimes you're nice, sometimes you're mean. I don't get you. I'm not a mind reader. I don't know what you want. I don't know what you're feeling. Every single time i want to let you go, there's a thread that pulls me back and a voice in me saying "don't let go, it's worth the time waiting". But it hurts, EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE YOU. I try to hide the pain in me. But what if one day, i wouldn't be able to hide the pain anymore? What if one day....... I broke down in front of you?
Sometimes i wanna pinch myself and make sure having you in my life isn't a dream. But i'm so afraid that if i pinch myself, i might just wake up and realize you're really just a dream.
"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have to have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend and even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. You just have to live life to the fullest. Tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand and comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile till you face hurts. Don't be afraid to take second chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back"
There is a reason i said i'd be happy alone. It wasn't because i thought i would be happy alone. It was because i thought that if i loved someone and then it felt apart, i might not make it. It's easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don't have it. What if you have it? And you lean on it.What if you shape your life around it? And it falls apart? can you even survive this kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is, death ends. This? It could go on forever.
Someone asked me the other day if my glass was half empty or half full. I was going to say it's empty, but that's not completely true. My life isn't void and I have my happy moments; but they usually just seem to disappear, or get worse. So, my glass is cracked. Yes, cracked. It gets filled up with happiness and hope, but it always ends up escaping my grasp. It always ends up emptying
out. It will never be full because it's always leaking. And one day, it will get thrown away, because no one wants a broken glass.
I really have no clue. No clue why i'm sad at times. There probably has to be a reason but i don't have a reason. My mind's blank, empty and all i really wanna do is sleep. I cry in the shower, cry myself to sleep and even wake up crying. I'm tired of feeling sad.
If i only knew you'd hurt me, i wouldn't have loved so deep. I wouldn't have saved my heart from breaking cus it's not for you to keep. If only i knew you'd fool me, i wouldn't have been so blind. I would have opened my eyes from reality and stopped your game on time.
Shit balls, it's 11.20 and i told myself to start on work at 11. Time to get off my laptop and tumblr and every freaking distracting social network. dammit......................................
Oh, and to all those having their prelims/ examinations, ALL THE BEST. Hwaiting! :-D
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