What hurts the most? Falling out of love. It's true. You never learn to appreciate things till you've lost them. It's true. Because I'm going through that now. I know, many of you are telling me to move on. To find someone who'll treat me better. But I know I can't. Because no matter how hard I try, or which ever guy I hook up with. I'd never love them the way I've loved Caleb. And I'll fight till the end. Till I get him back. Be called his girlfriend.
I MAY NOT BE THAT PERFCT GIRL YOU WANT ME TO BE. BUT I WILL TRY TO.
You really don't get what I'm trying to say. Do you? Being in love, is a very cruel thing. You get hurt, heartbrokened. And sometimes. You don't even know what's the cause of everything. Sometimes even when a person has hurt you too much. You choose to hold on. Because no matter how hard you try to give that person up, you just can't. Isn't there suppose to be trust in a relationship? If a partner thinks you're cheating on him. There was definitely no trust. Because even the countless times of explaining to the person won't work. I mean, it's totally bullshit that the person doesn't have trust at all. I mean it's like, you've been together for so long and he still doesn't trust you. It really hurts to be feeling that way. Sacrificing your friendship with the guy friends that he was jealous of. Just for him. It goes to show that you treasure your relationship more. Many of you may think it's dumb. In fact, it really is. But what was I to do? To leave him hanging and make him jealous? No. Because I want the best for our relationship and I want him to be fucking happy. But why can't he give that Jael girl up? I mean. Friendly outing. You don't even know how to think of my feelings when you did those things. It really hurts so bad. Meeting you yesterday was probably a mistake. Your lips on mine. It was magical. You promised me so many things when we broke up. You told me you wanted me to be happy. But what am I feeling now? Suffering. Crying everyday. Even on fucking new year's eve. Just a few days ago, you told me you still loved me. Lies? Truth? I don't know anymore. I really am confused. I told you I'll wait for you. And I will. Calling you my bestfriend? I really hate it. Because I'd be fucking lying to myself telling everyone "oh, he's just my bestfriend" when we used to be something. We used to be those really cute couples out there. But now? Bestfriends. It hurts. A lot. And you probably won't know how I'm feeling. But I know that you are hurting too. And I should be happy for you now because you are happy. But I can't. I cannot bring myself to be happy. I'm sorry. I hope you know what I've been trying to say. Just now I'll wait.
"Please don't be in love with someone else. Please don't have somebody waiting on you"
And for you, Jael. I don't know if you're gonna see this. And you're probably gonna call me pathetic aren't you? But you are too. I've stopped disturbing you. Fighting with you. Isn't it childish that you called me up and even spammed me saying you not happy that I talk to your "boyfriend". I really don't get you. You're 17. Learn how to think like a 17 year old. And in case you're gonna find trouble with me again. IM SORRY. big enough?
And to everyone else who has been there for me. I thank you guys. Edwin. I know you're someone who doesn't have time but i really thank you for talking to me and telling me what todo when I was down. I really. Appreciate it :')
And to everyone else. Happy new year's eve. May 2012 be a smooth sailing year for you guys. Sorry for the really lengthy post. But enjoy the photos below. Me and the boy.
Till then, X.
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